🎲 LOCK’EM UP: PICKS & PARLAY 🎲

Welcome back to the segment that’s basically the drunk uncle of sports betting — sometimes hilarious, sometimes sad, and somehow still sitting at the kids’ table.

Last week, by the grace of God, bad referees, and a kid breaking loose for a garbage-time touchdown, the boys actually hit a college football parlay. That’s right — if you tailed us, you bought lunch. If you faded us, you probably bought a boat.

This week? Turtle’s out and Tommy’s in, which means we’ve benched our starter and are now running with the podcast equivalent of a backup long snapper. Tommy swears he’s ready. We swear we’re broke.

Casey is still recovering from being robbed by a player prop one yard short for the 47th week in a row. Nick’s entire betting strategy is “fade myself,” and yet somehow he’s still under .500. Meanwhile, Tommy’s out here pretending the Bucs are a dynasty because Todd Bowles once made Jalen Hurts cry.

We’ve got it all:

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  Parlay slips that belong in a police evidence locker 🧾

  
  


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  Nick hijacking the segment to plug his “side bets” that never hit 🎯

  
  


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  Damien dry heaving on a bathroom floor at 1 a.m. while sweating out a Colorado game 🤮

  
  


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  Tommy channeling his “wizard” alter ego to pick Ivy League football 🧙‍♂️

  
  


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  Tommy casually nuking everyone’s bankroll like Lane Kiffin’s daughter nukes an LSU linebacker

  
  

And the best part? Every parlay comes down to the final leg… and we lose it. Every. Single. Time.

So should you ride with us? Maybe. Should you fade us? Definitely. Should you watch this segment just to see our dignity get stuffed at the goal line week after week? Absolutely.

💸 Lock’Em Up Picks & Parlay — because we’re not giving betting advice, we’re giving you content. And there’s a big difference. 🎰🔥